What would it be like to be free for a routine? To not feel bound by time and routined, planned moments of each day? What would freedom to be anything, feel anything, eat anything, experience anything and everything... when God just, allows?
These questions have been on mind lately, how my life is in constant routine.
Honestly, everyone has a routine- to some extent. Whether that is dictated by work, school, or family commitments... but when does the comfort of routine and daily habits become a trap...chains, restricting life's very freedoms?
There has been times and experiences where I have been completely thrown from routine and my daily habits of life. These experiences completely forced me out of my comfort zone, and in a lot of ways allowed me to be free.
My personality is so constraining and sometimes I feel that my anxiety about anything and everything comes from whether I am in control of a situation or experience.
...I guess having such a tightly woven routine allows me to 'breathe easy,' knowing I am in control, organised... but does it really?
In reality, when I look deep into my routine-controlled life, I can't breathe. Its constricting, restricting, shrinking, confining, tightening, compressing...my life, my soul. This very freedom and life Gpd has given me and made me for.
On the outside, routine is all well and good, almost a life completely organised and 'well-thought out.'
But its a trap. I have discovered the trap and burden that comes with being so comfortable in routine, so caught in preparation and timing. Its the trap that causes the heart to wilt, cease growing, to wither under a control that leaves no room for freedom, no opportunity to embrace life's small, big and wondrous, random moments of grace, hope and beauty...
Routine lets the devil whisper that the more you try to keep on time, the more you organise, plan, follow your own restrictions and rules... the more satisfied and joyful your life will be.
God wants us to dance, to sing, to have random moments of fun with people at random times, to eat and drink in joy, independent of time and place... God wants us to get so caught up in things like making, and creating that we loose all sense and awareness of routine, time, habit, structure... that we just dwell in, and embrace moments that are lovely, joyful, hopeful and sometimes even painful...
I have learnt that routine cripples the soul in ways that takes time to fully heal, renew, restore... I am still learning the power of God's freedom- in everything- in life itself because of the freedom Christ has given.
Where the spirit of God is - there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17.
There is a life ready to be lived, there is no fear or shame or guilt, no sense that soul satisfaction and joy comes from how well we stick to our schedule, our own tasks and good works, habits and routines.
I want to know this freedom. I want to be free. Free from what I should do, free from what I should eat, should look like or act like in the eyes of this world. I want to know this freedom in life. I Trust God is teaching me this, day by day, choice by choice victory by victory.