all together

To be honest- I am tired of having a desire to answer everything straight away, wanting to do things as soon as possible, and looking for ways to just get things done, finished, ticked off my list. 

And this applies to my spiritual life also- I am always wanting God to answer now, when I think I need an answer, when I am ready and waiting... but the mystery of God is just that- a mystery. Some things I ponder and pray about...and the God-reality is, I might not be given an answer smack bang right that second, smack bang in my face...

For instance, this has been on my mind and has caused me to reflect a lot and caused me to ask God a lot of deeply rooted questions...

I think it would be easier to deal with one thing, one experience, one moment, one taste, one person.... at a time...

not all together, all at once.

Maybe then we could be and feel and love all the more in each moment? 

Maybe then we could truly embrace, truly chase everything fully...

Why do You give & take so much, all in the same season?

Is our life really like seasons? Isn't there so much blurring in between our emotions, relationships and experiences that to define a season as good, bad, hard, easy....just doesn't make sense?

God, is it because You challenge, confront, comfort, love, bless, heal, grow - in every moment of everyday and sometimes we just choose not to see it?

Is Your mystery then a way to teach us how to carry the weight of life, the mystery of each day, with You if we trust and believe?

Maybe I won't ever know the answer. Maybe I will go on wondering... wondering how Your daughter can be so loved even when she is so, so far away from fully loving You in my every moment.